How do you respond to haters? You know, the ones who obsess on one small imperfection when everything around it is beautiful? How do you respond to them and prevent them from getting you down?
posted by:
|
-
Unsu...
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 11:11 AMI usually feel bad for them, it must be a tough way to go through life and doesn't seem like a path that someone would choose consciously. -
-
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 3:51 PMsmile at them, say something kind~ stop the moment so they have space for joy~
-
-
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 7:01 PMIf it's not directed hostility at me, I just pretend they are Oscar the Grouch.
Truth be told... People who obsess on the negative ARE experiancing pleasure for their negativity or they wouldn't keep indulging in it. It's perverse pleasure, and it may interfere with other pleasures. But self pity can feel good and is ego gratifying, negativity about others is a way people feel better about themselves. People connect on mutual negativity sometimes. Being argumentative does mean the satisfaction sometimes of battling and winning, or feeling like the oppressed victim which in a way is like guilt free winning because you still think you are right.
In other words, negative "haters" may not be as miserable as they appear to be, but they do like to ham it up since the sympathy it generates for them also is a pleasure as well.
Just have to hope that they will expand their horizons to other pleasures less toxic to company. -
-
Unsu...
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 7:26 PMThis is a pretty brutal assessment of the psychological state of some individuals. There are many conditions that can cause this type of behavior, the most prevalent being depression.
Often people go through life with this situation, but it can result in suicide. If it comes and goes it may be bi-polar condition.
It still amazes me that when a person is on cruches everyone feel bad for them and glad that they has medical options, but if they are moody or depressed it is thier fault for not pulling it together. It results in people being embarrassed to get medical attention and other feeling uncomfortable saying anything.
Curious and sad.
-
-
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 7:49 PMI see nothing brutal in saying that pleasure is mixed with pain.
I am on anti depressents.
Even in depression I found some things that brought some pleasure.
I did enjoy some aspects of self pity. Not ashamed to admit it either.
I did ham it up for effect, to get attention. And I enjoyed the attention enough to keep playing it dysfunctional though eventually it alienated those that comforted me at first, always more people to do the same when that wears thin with someone else.
Just as when you feel joy, somewhere in there there is something that may be attached to that joy that makes it bittersweet. When you feel sad or depressed, or at least I found it so, there was always some thin undercurrent of pleasure at feeling... something other than numb... even if it's bad.
Didn't mean to say it to sound cruel. Hope this clarifies. -
-
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 7:54 PMbut i think i understand what you're saying here too retarius! i gotta say though, in my own experience, i'm not sure that i would say that i "enjoyed" the pain, but rather that a person can get attached to it because it's comfortable, and because it's what makes the most sense to you when you're in that state of mind. does that make sense? i dunno, i'd trade it for "happy" any day of the week, no matter how hard it is to imagine right at that time. -
-
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 7:59 PMWell I must admit a Prefer happy too,
after trying the antidepressents the first time, going off of them, and comparing the few months on and the few months off, well I am back on because I still prefer being happy.
But I am trying to really offer some hope I guess, it's like happiness in analogy could almost be like a fire. It can die out, but there are embers, something is there always to reignite the fire again, to keep it alive somehow even when it seems dead. No emotions are pure, they are always mixed, so many emotions and thoughts flash in just one minute. Not all of them are bad even in someone that is really down in the dumps, it's just they keep going back to the bad thoughts and feelings more often and the duration of the happy feelings is momentary. But they are still there, in moments. -
-
Unsu...
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 8:13 PMBeing unhappy is normal, being unhappy all of the time is not.
-
-
-
Unsu...
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 8:11 PMIt certainly adds some context that was missing. I have struggled with self destructive behavior, which analysis found to be rooted in childhood abuse.
Although it is almost a cliche in the press these days, for those who have dealt with it over a lifetime it is in the middle of broken marriages, destroyed relationships and a self loathing that is always whispering that you are not good enough.
The only choice is to get help, heavily discouraged as unmanly weakness in the milltown where I grew up in the 60's, or go through life compensating daily. -
-
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 8:16 PMyeah, it's always more complicated than it appears on the surface, and is different for each individual.
getting help takes a lot of courage,
more power to ya! woo hoo! :)
-
-
-
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 7:49 PMyeah, i have to agree with you on this one joe. sad but true.
usually when i encounter someone who is focusing on the negative (and unfortunately it happens pretty often) i really like to try and point out the silver lining in the clouds. not just in a superficial way, but in a way that reminds them of the beauty that they've forgotten about. i seem to have a skill for this, even when i'm feeling down myself!
sometimes it irritates them (oh well) but for the most part i have found that people are really grateful for the positive words! there are times (often!) when this simple act of kindness means so much, it truly is rewarding.
keep up the good work, oh happy army!! -
-
Re: Haters?
Mon, January 26, 2004 - 7:56 PMweird - my posts got posted in reverse order from when i wrote them (and i wrote the first(second?) one(directed to joe) before your second one(retarius) went up, so i hadn't read it yet. we must be writing at the same time. -
-
Re: Haters?
Wed, January 28, 2004 - 10:03 PMI like to employ the classic techique of "Redirection"
Hater: Man this sucks, I hate my job, I hate my life, I hate my girlfriend!"
ME: That's too bad, I'm sorry, but have you seen the moon tonight? It's so incredible! Let's grab my telescope and go outside, better yet, lets pack some food and head out to the desert where we can get away from these city lights!
Hater: Oh crap, this traffic is a nightmare, I hate my car, I hate this city, I Hate Traffic!
ME: Yeah, that's what we get for living in an urban area. How about we get off the Freeway and have a nice dinner or go see that movie you wanted to see?
Hater: My life sucks, I'm broke, I'm never going to have any money!
ME: Let's get a newspaper and find out what kind of stuff is going on this weekend for free and do that.
: ) -
-
Re: Haters?
Thu, January 29, 2004 - 2:52 PMYES! that's part of what i was saying when i was referring to pointing out the beauty that they've forgotten to see. amazing how well it works!
-
-
-
-
-
